if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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