you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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