yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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