i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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