At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
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Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i think im in europe. pls send help
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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