About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
