I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
