Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
