I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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