so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I die, sorry about rent.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
