Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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