guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
