so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
