I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
cat food counts as protein by the way
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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