On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
