well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
