they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
