THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize