would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
