I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
