I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
