I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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