I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
