You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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