as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
