Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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