I'm going to jail i love you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
