she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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