What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
this beer tastes like vomit already
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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