I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
