I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
