i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
