I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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