so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
