I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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