Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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