I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
