Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have post one night stand depression
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