I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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