Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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