If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
