That's intense
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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