need another drink. this is the easiest way
420 ftw
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
