Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
