Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he fucked my hip out of place.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
