Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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