I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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