he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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