I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
