Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
