he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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