The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
