I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have already put on my inside pants.
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