ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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