I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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