Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
