i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
