idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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