eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
